I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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