im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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