Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
