Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
