So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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