batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
