Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
