Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
