I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
