Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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