I just made out with a guy for $7.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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