it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
