I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
