I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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