How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Don't tell me you're on acid again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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