hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
