you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
