Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
