Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
