Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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