well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
