So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
