Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
