I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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