Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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