atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
