Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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