This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
