just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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