How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
