thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
