If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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