he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
