apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
