I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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