After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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