I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
