did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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