Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
