Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
stop calling my apartment porn island.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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