woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
