The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
