I am in a vortex of obligation.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
