i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
