would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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