just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
