if you like me you must not know who I am
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
