I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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