If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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