So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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