Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
