my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
