you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
