I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
