I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
