Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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