I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
