I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
