Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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