dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize