peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
