Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
