do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
