if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This is my gift to your gina
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
