Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
