So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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