just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
