Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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