Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
