he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
