I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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