I CAN MOONWALK!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
