He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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