I showed him my bush... on skype.
smell my finger.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
