So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
