Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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