2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
