Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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