Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
