Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she peed on how many people?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
