how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
