Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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