so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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