Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
