O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
